My earliest memory was of playing a game on a personal computer. I can still remember the sensation of breathing rapidly as I guided a mouse through a maze while avoiding cats who intended to stop me reaching the cheese at the end. It was a simple game but it was exciting, and I recall it being the most fun I had in the earliest years of my childhood.

My parents used the computer for accounting but, like most children, I found a way to play with it. Unlike many games today, each one had to be programmed and compiled immediately before it could be used. My older brother would do the programming then and achieving this feat without parental guidance was incredibly gratifying. This involvement in computing was a haven from the parental conflict that existed in my early years. Consequently, this computer and many other technological devices would become thrilling methods of escape.

After my parents divorced, my mother, my siblings and I, move to a new neighborhood. Despite the loss of one parent, the element I missed the most in my life was the computer. I missed the ability to click away at the keyboard and see my efforts come to fruition. The loss fueled my fascination with technology and the yearning to fill this void in my life. School did not fill it and because my father had taken the computer with him I resented him for it.

I was satiated by tinkering with consumer electronics such as radio controlled toys, radios and sound systems. Although I lacked formal training, I learned to see the mechanisms that operated these devices using the same methods I saw my brother use to make games when I was younger. It was within my control and it could be manipulated to suit my needs which I enjoyed immensely. My childlike desire was to find new avenues for this new experimentation. For this I would have to venture into the outside world which was a place where a child like me would experience nose bleeds and itchy skin. I met new friends who shared their devices with me and if those devices stopped working I fixed them. If we played outside I was miserable but every time I worked on one of those devices I could feel that same sensation I felt the first time. It was not long before we would have to move again.

For the next few years we lived with my aunt who lived far away from other families in an area that smelled like farmland and lacked electronics except for one radio which I was not allowed to touch. We walked to a water pipe, about a half of a mile away, to collect water in buckets. The toilet was an outhouse at the end of the backyard. It was during this period of my life that I developed the ability to draw while I stayed indoors. Pencils and paper were relatively inexpensive which made them readily available to us. There was not a day that passed without the thought of some measure of tinkering. These thoughts became the subject of my artwork and I began to enjoy drawing. However, the sensation I felt would come and go.

My mother also provided many books for us so we spent a great deal of our time filling our days with a variety of truly entertaining stories. I blended these stories, my passion for technology, and my imagination, into my artwork. As a result, my family assumed I would be a fine artist and although I was adept at drawing, fine art was not my passion. I didn't have the courage to tell them otherwise since it made my mother proud; and it was good to see her happy.

When my mother bought a house in another parish, everything felt new. The quality of the air smelled less like farmland. There were other houses that could be seen from our window. Additionally, there was running water in the sink and the toilet flushed. The world made significant advances in technology over the years when I felt my life stood still. I couldn’t wait to catch up to what I missed. I was obsessed with acquiring that knowledge and becoming involved but we were poor so my mother did what little she could. Needs were still more important than desires and I couldn’t tell the difference at that age. Slowly she reintroduced technology back into our lives. For me it wasn't enough but I felt it would be unfair to burden her with my desires; so I remained content with what she provided.

When my mother moved overseas to become an international exchange teacher, around the same time I moved to high school, my siblings and I remained in Barbados with our extended family. Fortunately for me, my new high school was outfitted with a new computer room in that same year. Naturally, I gravitated towards them and the teachers encouraged my passion. I felt deeply satisfied when there and deeply saddened when I was not, until one of my aunts began to take us to church.

On the first day of church I saw the most beautiful mixing console I had ever seen. It was the latest model available at the time so it was completely new to me. I immediately found myself drawn to all of the audio equipment in the church and the adults who operated them would encourage my interests. They wanted to be nearer to the sermons and I yearned to be nearer to the equipment. No one could understand how much connecting wireless microphones to singers and providing them with just the right equalization for the perfect pitch filled my heart with joy. One of my aunts bought a personal computer shortly after and I spent more time on it than she did. To encourage my interests she would have me install all of her applications. I learned the most that I ever would about technology in those years and then I was gone.

It was my father with whom we immigrated to the USA and although I still resented him even after all of those years for leaving with the computer, he gave me an old one that he had before he sent me to live with my mother. An old computer for him, however, was far more advanced than those we had back in Barbados. I felt it was his loss because he didn’t appreciate it as much as I did. For several months, I spent virtually all of my time learning everything that was happening with technology. The internet was incredibly fast compared with what I contended with before. My learning increased equally as fast as the information could be downloaded. Finally I felt that technology and I were in sync.

I blended my knowledge of technology and art, to produce a multimedia portfolio on compact disc that I used as a rarely considered addition to my resume when searching for jobs. After many short projects, I finally found a full time job in consulting with a major financial institution that was working on web technology: new to the industry at the time which focused mostly on desktop applications. This was the most exciting thing I could never dream of. I found a place to do what I loved doing and I earned a good living doing so.

We were able to move to a better home. Technology was my safety net. When I needed something, I felt like I could always turn to it and it wouldn’t disappoint me. My obsession grew and I felt it could not be interrupted. However, it was interrupted in the worst way.

The company I worked with for almost a decade, told me that I would have to train my replacements because they needed to save money. I didn’t have a degree in technology and it became impossible to find technological work without it. The hunger came back. I fell into a depression and I felt like I had become complacent and didn’t care for technology as much as it cared for me for all of those years. If I truly loved it I would have to show it. So I was determined to earn a degree that would allow me to reenter the world which I devoted my life to, but was now separated from.

ADDED:

This has brought me to where I am now. I am a student in the Media Technology and Filmmaking at CUNY Bronx Community College. It is my plan to acquire a comprehensive knowledge of the many aspects of media technology to begin my advanced career in media. See my resume, updated regularly, for details.